


it's always been you

by itisjosh



Series: onlypain [12]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Brothers, Dream is a good older brother, Family Dynamics, Fishing, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, i wrote this in two hours lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27720920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: Dream hums. "What's on your mind?"“My family,” Tubbo says simply. He tugs on the line experimentally, “Not Tommy and Phil and Techno and Wilbur, like… my birth family. It’s like… I don’t remember them at all, y’know?”"Do you...not want to remember them?"A shrug.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Series: onlypain [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027711
Comments: 56
Kudos: 473





	it's always been you

Dream sighs, listening to the way that the river rushes by, quick and relentless. It’s a nice day out, the sun shining warmly onto the earth below and the breeze blowing softly. The rare interval of peace, a time without war or dispute, is welcome. He adjusts his armor, the netherite clinking together softly, and ignores the glance that Tubbo gives him. 

The boy is humming, sitting beside him on this large rock and swinging his legs absentmindedly. A fishing rod is gripped loosely in his hands, and his blue eyes are turned attentively to the rippling blue waters, watching for any dip in the bait that’s been cast into the middle of the river. 

The silence is comfortable, and welcome.

But, despite that, Tubbo is very rarely silent. Dream hums a little, the sound muffled through his mask, and raises a hand. It lands heavy on the boy’s dark hair, causing him to jump a little, and Dream tilts his head, ruffling the soft locks playfully. “What’s on your mind?”

The younger boy shoots him a dirty look, shooing the hand away. He laughs and lets him, his arm falling back to his side. “I told you not to do that,” Tubbo says, but there’s no bite behind his words and a smile is tugging at the corner of his lips. “I was just thinking, y’know?”

Dream turns back towards the river, watching deer appear hesitantly out of the brush, dipping it heads towards the churning waters. “Glad to see Tommy’s not rubbing off on you _too_ much,” he jokes. Tubbo laughs, loud and unrestrained. He smiles fondly. “What were you thinking about?”

“My family,” Tubbo says simply. He tugs on the line experimentally, a breath of disappointment passing from between his lips when he meets no resistance. A second goes by before he clarifies, “Not Tommy and Phil and Techno and Wilbur, like… my birth family.”

Dream stills.

“It’s like… I don’t remember them at all, y’know?” He continues. “I know I had a mom, I had a dad, a brother and maybe even a sister too. And sometimes when I try super hard I can remember a little village, like the small kind where everyone knows everyone.” There’s a small pause, and even though he sounds completely unbothered, Dream can see the way his eyes have darkened, the way his fingers tighten almost imperceptibly around the fishing rod. “And then, uh...there was...there was a lot of shouting, one day.” His eyebrows knit together, “Then I was in a box, and Phil and the others found me.”

“You don’t remember anything else?” Dream speaks after a moment, his voice is low and quiet, and he knows it might be a bad idea to press on further, but Tubbo simply shrugs and opens his mouth to respond.

“I probably could, if I tried.” He admits, eyes following the fishing line to where the bait bobs up and down in the water. “I don’t know if I want to, though.” 

_You don’t,_ Dream wants to say. He doesn’t.

“I figured like, I dunno,” Tubbo continues, “I’ll be honest, I feel like if I forgot about everything that happened then, it was probably for a reason, right?” He tries to smile, but it ends up looking like more of a grimace. “Plus, I’ve got Phil and Techno and Wilbur and Tommy now.”

Dream’s throat feels tight. “You don’t miss them?” He asks softly. “I mean like, you don’t _want_ to remember them?”

Tubbo shrugs, his tone becoming scarily matter-of-fact. It sounds wrong in his voice, which is always so carefree and lighthearted. He’s rarely ever serious, which is a given considering _Tommy_ is his best friend, but his tone is...not like him. Not _Tubbo._ “They left me, didn’t they?” 

He swallows. _Not willingly._

“I don’t see any point in worrying about it now,” the fishing line pulls taut. Tubbo’s grip tightens and he begins to reel it in, still talking. “I mean, I figured that since they never came back for me they just… didn’t want me. You know? Plus I’ve got Phil and Tommy now.”

_That’s not it._

“...Yeah,” he says after a moment, ignoring the tightness in his chest. A part of him says to be glad, to be happy for Tubbo, and he _is,_ it’s just...he feels sad, for some reason. He shouldn’t be allowed to be sad, and he knows this, but it doesn’t stop. It’s still there, and he doesn’t think it’ll ever really go away. That's okay. He deserves it.

“I got it!” Tubbo grins, the conversation all but forgotten, and pulls the line out of the water to reveal the fish, still very much alive and angry, flailing around mid-air. Dream is almost jealous of how easily he can switch moods. “I think I have enough to tame a cat now.”

“You sure?” Dream raises an eyebrow, caking his words in false exuberance in an attempt to hide the bitter regret that’s pricking at his skin, “Those village cats are really skittish.” 

“I can just steal from HBomb if that’s the case.” Tubbo replies far too cheerfully. Dream barks out a laugh, unsurprised by the answer and yet finding it funny nonetheless. “Thanks for coming with me, Dre.” The fish is shoved unceremoniously into the bucket of others, still writhing and living, but Tubbo gets to his feet and prepares to pick the bucket up, completely unfazed by the violent jostling. Dream smiles at the familiar nickname, reaching up to ruffle the younger’s hair once again.

“Let me know if you need any help.” he wheezes slightly when Tubbo swats his hand away, a cry of ‘oh, piss off!’ leaving the brunet’s lips, and hops off the rock with a small grunt, taking a few steps into the forest. The sunlight filters through the thick foliage above, making Tubbo look a bit odd as the spotted light shines down on his figure, but he smiles brightly and Dream feels himself smile back, despite the mask he wears and despite the guilt he feels. “Bye Tubbo.” _I’m sorry._

“Seeya, Dream.”

Dream listens to the footsteps retreat, soft and muffled on the forest floor, until they eventually fade altogether. He sighs, leaning back on his hands and watching the clouds roll past, listening to the roar of the river in his ears. It’s almost instinctive, reaching into the pockets of his pants and pulling out the little scrap of paper he’s kept all this time. The material is worn with creases from repetitive folding, scorched black at the edges. He stares at the photo, taking in the messy brown hair, the young, smiling face that still looks the same despite the many years that have passed. A wry smile tugs at his lips, humorless amusement twisting his features the longer he stares at the old photo, stares at a younger him, the him that was inexperienced and naive. And then he stares at his younger brother, happy and content, still the same even after all these years. 

_Maybe it’s better this way._


End file.
